Love was a promise made of smoke

Lately life has been a whirlwind of lunches, nights out, coffee dates, shopping sprees, and spazzy dancing; it has been fantastic and I have met some wonderful people. The socialising fun-tram can't go on forever though, I am starting to get worn out and feel as though I am slipping behind with honours. The fact that it's mid-year break doesn't really mean anything.  

I have had soul sprain the past couple of days; I believe it is because lately I have been having too much fun and fun can't last forever.

So now, even though realistically I have nothing to be upset about, I am all mopey-sad-faced and I want to stay in bed, eating cheese off the block, listening to Dashboard Confessional, and lamenting that I don't have a cat to cuddle. If you are unfamiliar with what soul sprain feels like, it's a bit like this:

   Photos:  Markus Jans, Peter Guenzel, Timothy Barnes

I housesat for my parents a couple of weekends ago and some of my fellow honours geeks came round to do immature things. I made the most delicious punch, if I do say so myself, with an entire bottle of white rum, champagne, fresh fruit and mint. We built a fort out of chairs and sheets in the lounge, sat in the fort and played articulate (a word game), and enjoyed tequila shots. Yes, we did plan in advance to act like carefree children under the influence of alcohol. I figure it may seem strange now, but imagine how much stranger it'd seem in 10 years time; I plan to get as much immaturity out of my twenties as possible. 

Our fort and my (potent) punch.

On Friday night I went to a costume party themed 'Fairytale and Fantasy'. My excellent friend 'Mountain Range' came over and we got ready together - I was the absinthe fairy and she was Cleopatra. We had a few glasses of wine before we left...then there was some Jack Daniels...and someone made me a White Russian....and my friend, the host, had mulled wine. There was a guy there taking photos. I have seen these photos on facebook. Times like these I wish I were a super hacker who could hack into fb and cut that silly drunk green fairy out of all the pictures.  

 So now that all that fun is over I have decided to man up. Starting... tomorrow I will force myself to spend four hours a day on my thesis. I would have started today but I have been super busy re-arranging my room, purchasing a new laptop, buying a ridiculous amount of groceries for one person, and will soon be snuggled up in bed watching the season final of Game of Thrones.

Also. By ordering a new laptop I have thrown away my plans to buy a double bed, sorry potential lovers. Ahem. Yeah. Okay.

She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts

I have decided what I need in my life is a nice healthy crush. No destructive infatuations or a cray cray lovefests. Just a crush. Something that makes everything seem slightly more exciting even though there's no marriage fantasy. Yes. A crush. So much easier said than done.

This is what happens when Taylor Swift somehow happens to keep sneaking into my itunes. Stop it, Taylor, stop it!

    Photo: Fergus Padel

You're the first thing, and the last thing, on my mind

I have three abandoned blogs. They each represent a different time in my life and I read back on them at different times for different reasons. There's the grammatically horrifying journal of my year volunteering in England, which I read when I am feeling old and in need of some naive ranting. There's the style blog I started in third year, when I suddenly found a passion for scarves and op shops, which I read to remind myself that I thought I was pretty awesome in third year. And then there's the blog I kept whilst living in Europe, which I read when I'm wondering why the hell I came back here. I think this blog will forever exist to remind and reprimand me for the time I wasted dithering about during my honours year.

If I stay at home to study I am distracted by sleep....my bookcase...facebook...making another cup of coffee..etc. If I go to uni to study I am distracted by the possibility that my friends are there also and that they want to have a quick coffee (which turn into hour-long discussions).

Even when I actually study I am distracted. All the possibilities of history distract me. My insecurities about my topic distracts me. Looking up academic articles in JSTOR, before I read the ones I have right in front of me, distracts me.

Having internet on my damn phone distracts me.

You know what. I am going to study. Right now. After I make myself a coffee. And have a shower. And tidy up my room bit....

This weekend my honours crew are coming over to party. We're going to make a fort, drink anything that can be found and play Articulate. I will try not to bite this time.

Photo: Anna Rosa Krau

Yeah, I can get mine, and you'll get yours.

Sometimes things that were once good stop being good. The more you try to make them good again the more you taint the memory of how good they once were. So it's probably better to cut your losses before what was once good becomes....not.

That's my groundbreaking thought of the day - maybe I should change uni departments, eh? Perhaps Philosophy is my true calling.


Good. Good. Good. Good. Bad. Stop.

And I'm crazy, but you like it, loca, loca, loca.

So this just in: I haven't worked on my thesis for two weeks. I was working on my coursework during that time, and attending semi-related social events (going out with other people from Honours can be considered thesis related, right?). Today is the day. The day when I approach the stack of books I have carefully selected from the library and they will just fall open to the perfect page and inspire me. You know what else inspires me? Game of Thrones - and episode seven is just sitting there, waiting to be watched....and....and my computer is much closer to me than all those library books. Okay, that's sorted then. GoT first, then daunting stack of books.

On Sunday night I went to the birthday drinks of one of my Honours peeps. My decision to save money by having a couple of glasses of wine while I got ready backfired. I had half a bottle of wine without noticing, arrived rather ...hyped...and continued on drinking. Let's just say I made numerous moronic comments and bit some people. Yes....bit some people.

My friend is having a costume party in June. I've decided to go as the absinthe fairy -  La Fee Verte.

The honours student rap

Thesis thesis thesis, work work work
Got a place in the library where I always lurk
Narrow that topic, down down down
Gotta argue a point before you hit the town

I got bitches, I got fast cars
I know 'aries' is also called 'mars'
You want my grill and my gold chain?
Well first you gotta suffer some thesis pain

Finish that verse, drop the hook
I'll just finish reading this history book

Type that essay, type it up
I have ranted like a nut
Did you know King Arthur had a really big sword?
Oh come on, I know you're not bored!

I am such a geeky loner
What'd you say? You got a problem, Homer?
If you're oblivious to my academic jokes
Don't study history - you ain't smart enough, folks

Drop that hook, then start a new verse
- this lame rap can't get no worse

You don't smile at me that much

Bam! Here I am back from the world of Arthurian Romance and Italian Courtesans. Well, I'm really only on holiday from it...for an afternoon. During this afternoon I get to do exciting holiday things, like send important emails which have stacked up and buy groceries.

This weekend my BFFFFFFF is coming to visit. Yay.

I have decided I want to go back overseas(my old blog readers are eye rolling). Fine, okay, I have a problem. I call it Ia2B:)S = Inability to be content syndrome. First, though, I have to get a career on the go; I quite like the idea of moulding spongy young minds. Maybe I can go on a NZ holiday to try and fend off my wanderlust for far away places.

Mehhhh, okay, pretty picture that in no way represents my life in this moment:

    Photo: Bernd Westphal